Follow me...

This is the last post to this blog. The purpose of this blog was to record the journey to motherhood and I did that. It's not really about my son, he should have a say in how much of his life is exposed for the world to see. So I thought I'd offer another perspective, my life as a working mother. It has been an interesting journey so far. It has been full of difficulties but then again it has had great rewards. So I hope you will follow along and go with me on this new journey I've been on for the last six months or so.

3 Months and counting

I have now been breastfeeding successfully for 3 months. I must say, I'm quite pleased with myself for this accomplishment since it hasn't been easy. I have gotten great support from my HR director at work when I went back and pumping has not been an issue. Other than that, I have learned how to breastfeed my son and he has learned how to drink breast milk from me. So we have passed the 3 month milestone together.
We just got CMC a Fisher-Price Precious Planet Jumperroo. CMC loves it. I am still trying to get a video of him to post to the blog. So far, everything is progressing very well. He just recently started to pull his legs up and even managed to pull himself up higher than usual before toppling over. He can sit up with help and holds his head up very well. His legs are getting stronger everyday. So for anyone who asks me again how my son is doing...HE'S GROWING!
Time has flown so quickly. He has changed right before our eyes. I miss the little one who was born only 3 months ago already. But I wouldn't have missed the last year for anything.

Almost 3 months!

Finally I've got a picture with my son that I like!

So today when I got home, we tried out the booster seat. Some would say CMC is too young but you should have seen him sitting up in his father's arm. He looked so cute, like a mini big boy, eyes wide (for all of five second) watching the toys and just taking in the fact that he was sitting up. Can't believe I have a son that's nearly 3 months old.

Seeing the world through CMC's eyes

Probably one of the most amazing things so far is watching my son discover something as mundane as his feet and hands. He learned how to finally reach out and grab with his hands. I was so pleased. How simple and silly it all really is, yet it's so much more.

Today we had a late lunch with some good friends of ours. I think they are probably as much in love with my son as we are. But then if you ever met CMC you'll know that he's pretty easy to love. He's a really good baby. After lunch we took CMC and went grocery shopping. I love my Baby Bajorn carrier and finally got to use it for the second time. My son has put on weight. He's probably 2 feet by now and weighs over 12 lbs. I figure, carrying him around on the Baby Bajorn will be good exercise and I love the fact that my hands are free. It's the closest I'll come to what it was like carrying him around inside of me.

What amazed me is how when I walked down the aisle of sodas his eyes just got wide and he was staring so intently at all the colorful bottles. He finds the most boring and mundane things interesting. But then to him the world is brand new. It's an interesting experience, seeing the world through his eyes, full of wonder and fascination. Somewhere along the way I got old and the world around me lost its enchantment and now watching my son grow has brought some of that magic back.

So life does change with a baby but I think we get to decide how that change will affect us. Perhaps that's the real lesson in all this I think. Well, enough said, he's stirring and I'm ready to collapse from lack of sleep. If I don't go to bed soon, I might not make it church tomorrow at all.

The nursing mularky

It's amazing how pregnancy presents all these changes not only to your body but your life as well. Let's not forget that after it's over, you're presented with a really cute little human who comes with a whole lot of hidden ammunition to make you lose your mind! If you've never babysat or played with children (like me) or don't really like them much (again like me) suddenly you find yourself lost in this strange land where you smell like sweet sticky white liquid that spurts out of your otherwise useless boobs. And here you always thought they were ornamental things that are generally meant to attract men. Sure, in some part of your brain you knew they are meant to nurse a child or two, but that was never the one thing you really thought about much.

The pregnancy may have enhanced your meagre endowments or super sized your endowments. In my case, I was afraid I'd grow too large but thankfully I have my mother's DNA so I didn't really change size at all. Though now I've discovered that I have gone from a 36C to a 38D. This I find frightening. I think I liked being the size I was. Someone, I think the lactation consultant that I spoke with after giving birth (who also happened to be one of my birthing assistants) said that I could expect them to feel like hot, swollen melons. That is the most unpleasant feeling to wake up to specially when you're sleep deprived and your nipples hurt at the same time because the baby is crying.

But see that's where the whole random creation vs intelligent design again comes into play. You're sleep deprived, slowly getting cranky because you don't want to wake up and feed this howling infant. But you have no choice because your nipples hurt like hell and your breasts feel as if they are about to explode. Then you take the howling infant in your arms and watching him root and cry at the same time. He sees those huge things in range (when he does learn to focus and take in his surroundings) and then he spends a few seconds looking like an cross between a bird and a pterodactyl about to ravage you. If you're me, you start laughing despite being irritated, sleep deprived, and in pain. Then he starts to eat and you just don't care about all the complications.

Then he discovers the whole spitting up thing and most of that yucky sticky liquid ends up on his face, your clothes, skin, and everywhere else. It wasn't enough that he pooped and peed on you but now he must initiate you into this world of mothers where you smell like him, baby and breast milk. I'm still of the opinion that stuff is gross even if I'm the one who's making it. But it's better than formula and free. So go me! Now that my son is a month old, I've discovered that I really need to get some nursing clothes. So much for avoiding having to buy any clothes for this pregnancy. I nearly got away without having to buy a thing.

In conclusion, babies are expensive but they are too cute to return to the sender...not to mention that doing so is considered homicide by society. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself fortunate that I am able to breastfeed my son but I never said I had to like all the complications that come with it. Speaking of which, this daisy needs to go milk herself before I explode!

From Baby oh Baby!

4 Weeks! Done!

So CMC is now 4 weeks old. In another day, he'll be a month old and soon we'll start counting his age in months. Out of curiosity I measured him last week and it seems he's nearly 22 inches. I'm pretty sure he's about the same weight as Cooper. Then I started looking through all his pictures. Originally I meant to post pictures of his nursery but then in between feeding him and looking at his pictures, I realized how much my little boy has changed.

Today he started noticing his toys for the first time. I put him in his bouncer and he noticed the little rattling monkey the music playing lion. So we tried out his little tummy time gym. He's changing so fast, much faster than Cooper. I probably shouldn't compare my cat to my son but they are the only babies that I raised/am raising so that's my only point of reference. Just made me a little sad since I have only another month and a half with him before I have to go back to work.

A friend referred me to Babycenter.com where you can get week by week update of your baby's progress, rather what the progress should be. It seems that week five should be a real smile. My camera will be waiting to capture that first smile. Until then, enjoy this compilation of photos from his first month.

From Baby oh Baby!

Parenting on the go....

So yesterday we had to go to BabysRus and get some groceries among other things. By the time CMC was fed, changed, and packed up to go it was nearly noon. The plan was to stop by BabysRus and pick up a nasal aspirator then drive to Stop n Shop and pick up some cereal. We were going to go to the mall, run some errands in Macy's and then have lunch before heading off to Shoprite for groceries. That was the plan.

By the time we got to Macy's that plan changed. Right among the luggage section, there was a loud ripping noise and a foul smell that said the baby was doing his business and would need to be changed. So off we went to look for a restroom. Not my idea since I don't like public restrooms and avoid using them whenever I can. Then he started to fuss and his eyes started to open.

Mind you, the reason we went to BabysRus in the first place was because CMC has a bit of a cold. So he was a just a little cranky. Sleeping baby in public is easy to deal with. People ooh and ahh over them and you just smile and wave and go your merry way. Then I had a brilliant idea to slip into the fitting room and give him a quick change. I happen to be in the section where the extra large women's clothings were and thought, I could grab an item and pretend to go try it on. Then I looked at me and the clothes and thought, why bother....who would be convinced looking at me that I'm trying on the clothes.

So I just high tailed it to the fitting room. By then, my poor son had started crying a little hysterically. Mind you, my son doesn't really cry or fuss much unless he wants changing or feeding, mostly when he just wants food. So I had to do a quick change and then breastfeed. I fed him until he was sufficiently satisfied and then we left the fitting room. Since he didn't want to be put back into his car seat, I had to work out how to maneuver a stroller while holding a baby, not easy when you're new at this sort of thing.

So lunch idea got tossed because I just didn't feel comfortable carrying him through the mall. We did a quick stop in the Wendy's drive thru and then off to Shoprite to finish our errands.

We had decided from the very beginning that we weren't going to be the kinds of parents whose lives end the moment their children are born. We are on the go kind of people and being housebound 24/7 would be hard on both of us. So yesterday was my first experience of on the go parenting. I also learned that when you have a cute baby to feed, you can get away with anything.

Well my son is fussing, think he wants food or changing. Then we're off to the park for a stroll...

Daddy's Story (Part 3 - Labour)

The main issue as we went forward was that she was very tired. So they gave here a mild sedative that would help her sleep for a couple of hours. The contractions still woke her up but as soon as they were done she slept. Throughout this time I was again largely sidelined. When the contractions came she wanted her aunt's back rubs. Anything I did was 'irritating'. It was a pretty lonely couple of hours. Watching her aunt and my MIL do the job that was supposed to be mine.

"Update? Nothing to report. They're going 2 check her progress @ 8pm" 6:16 PM Jun 6th from txt

At this point i really should mention out birthing team. Andrea was our midwife, a blessing since she was the one we've seen most throughout the pregnancy. Sharon was comfortable with her and she really understood Sharon. She was assisted by Lexie, an RN and a birthing assisstant. Lexie was a real Godsend. She truly understood Sharon and was the one person who was able to get her to focus through her contractions. She really was amazing. Then there was Paula, trainee birthing assistant who was a huge help too. What I'm trying to say is that the team at the Brooklyn Birthing center were really wonderful throughout. It was Paula who, when my wife was being particularly harsh to me reassured me that it was normal, she'd been the same way with her husband when she was in labour and that it wouldn't last.

So we had decided to check progress at 8pm. Because of the risk of infection they couldn't do too many internal exams so there was a degree of eagerness as we waited to see how we were doing

"Update; STILL ONLY 5cm! 4 1/2 hours and nothing to show for it. talk about demoralising." 7:49 PM Jun 6th from txt

That was a kick in the gut. after 4 1/2 hours we'd made no progress. I really think that news undid any benefit we may have gained from the sleep. From this point on she was pretty much convinced that it was all for nothing and she couldn't do it. The decision was made that if, in 3 hours there was still no more progress we'd transfer to Maimonides hospital. With her water broken and the risk of infection time was an issue. SO for the next 3 hours she'd be walking and moving around as much as possible in the hope we'd make progress. This was where Lexie was really awesome, without her I don't think we'd have made it. She was able to work well with Sharon to help her work throught the contractions. but we were working against exhaustion and the fact that she was convinced she was making no progress. it was a tough couple of hours

"Tired and frustrated. She s in pain, exhausted, drained n miserable. And i can t do anything to help." 9:19 PM Jun 6th from txt

At least, by this point she was allowing me to help her through this but she was so tired at this point she was pretty much at the end of her strength. We reached the point around this time when it looked like we were done trying to do this naturally at the birthing center. She had lain down for a couple of minutes and now refused to get up and try any more. We tried to persuade her to go 1 more hour and we'd do a progress check but she wasn't hearing any of it. Andrea actually reached the ppint of decision. "that's it, we're done here" funnily enough it was NYCs potholes that decided the issue, when Sharon asked if we'd call an ambulance and was told that we'd have to drive since it wasn't an emergency she suddenly found new resolve. She'd found the car so horribly uncomfortable she didn't want to face it again (either that or she thought my driving was REALLY bad!). so she agreed to try for 1 more hour.

So it was that at 10:15pm Andrea did an exam and...

"Progress!! 8-9cm dilated!" 10:16 PM Jun 6th from txt

Well that was great news! The mood changed here, and if she hadn't been so very exhausted by now I think we'd have been in very good shape for the next phase.

the last cm was stubborn, Sharon was tired and really wanted to push

"Almost completely dilated. Not long now" 10:46 PM Jun 6th from txt

There was some light hearted banter around this time as to whether he'd be a Saturday or Sunday baby.

to be continued...

the 1st 2 weeks

Daddy's Story (part 2 - early labour)

...The beginning. (interspersed with real time updates courtesy of twitter)

the week leading up to Saturday June 6th was a little stressful, Sharon's blood pressure had risen, the midwife was concerned about the possibility of pre-eclampsia and we faced the possibility that she'd have to stop work much earlier than we'd hoped cutting into the paid time off she'd have available after the baby was born. an ultrasound was scheduled, other tests were prepared and sleep was lost.

"NOT going to deal with labor nd the birth of my son without a cup of tea first!" 4:20 AM Jun 6th from txt

So early Saturday morning when her water broke we were not ready. she was exhausted before labour even began, we weren't fully packed and the apartment wasn't fully ready yet. But CMC wasn't waiting! All other concerns disappeared, the baby was coming! Because of a positive test for GBS (Group B Strep) AND with her water breaking we had to go straight in to the birthing center for a dose of antibiotics. So after she took a shower, a little bit of worry because she hadn't felt the baby move for a bit (he was just sleeping) I threw her bag together and we piled in to the car. Before we set off I laid my hand on her belly and prayed. CMC has always responded to prayer and never more so that that moment, he almost kicked his way out right there and then!

The ride to Brooklyn was uncomfortable for her. unable to move around or get comfotable combined with NY's pot holes proved to be pretty miserable for a woman in labour but we arrived in one piece, Andrea, our midwife, checked her out, 1cm dilated but almost fully effaced. a good start, there was a little concern that the contractions seemed more painful than we'd expect at this stage of labour, so we worked to hydrate with gatorade, which she threw up. The antibiotic was to be administered through an IV, Andrea put in the first dose, showing me how to do it since the 2nd dose was likely to be when we were home. Turns out, she didn't react well to the penicillin so she swiched to a different antibiotic which didn't need to be administered as often so I was never called upon to use my new found medical skills!

After all the checks etc. we were sent home with instructions to call again when contractions were 3 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute for an hour. also, to monitor the risk of infection we were supposed to take her temp every couple of hous. so we figured, rather than home, we'd go to her aunt's. Her aunt used to be a nurse and had worked in L&D and she turned out to be very good at contraction easing backrubs.

I'm not going to go into detail of the next few hours. My wife was in pain, she was tired and hungry and struggled to keep any food down, it was somewhere in this time that she started to snap at me sporadically.

a few twitter updates from that time:

"So much for being involved in the birth of my child. Apparently my wife wants nothing to do with me right now." 9:47 AM Jun 6th from txt

"Progressing slowly and painfully."11:42 AM Jun 6th from txt

"Update: she's tired. Was able 2 keep sum food down. progressing s l o w l y." 12:48 PM Jun 6th from txt

We tired a bath which didn't help, ultimately I think she was in a negative frame of mind.
But eventually at around 2pm Andrea said for us to come in. We were supposed to meet her at the Birthing Center at 2:30 but we got stuck in traffic, did I mention that driving was hell on her? At this point she was dreading that when we got there she wouldn't be far enough along to be admitted. We arrive at about 3:15 and after an exam it turns out our fears were unfounded. 5cms dilated! Progress! So we were admitted to the Brooklyn Birthing Center with, for me at least, a growing sense of excitement, despite feeling a little superfluous since she continued to want nothing to do with me there was tangible evidence that our son was on his way!


"We re now @ the birthing center. 5cm dilated. CMC is on his way. I never loved her more. I feel excited but useless, nd kind of alone." 3:24 PM Jun 6th from txt

to be continued...

Daddy's Story (Part 1 - the beginning)

It's been over a week now since CMC was born and I'm only now finding the time to sit down and share my journey. I wanted to share the story of our labour and CMC's beginning from my POV. I don't for a second claim that the experience of a father is anything like what a mother goes through in labour but I do feel that too often that the role and and experience of fathers is somewhat marginalised. To be forced to watch, largely helpless while the woman you love is in pain is hard. I can say without hesitation, and I suspect I'm not the only man who feels this way that if there was any way I could have taken on some of that pain I would have done so in a heartbeat but that's just not the way it's designed, it' a pain that women have to go through and the men are left to try and find anything they can to support and help. It's a helpless and humbling process particularly when the mother pushes you away for much of the labour, but more on that later... Let's start at the beginning...

My First Day as CMC's Mum

Well, I did say that I would be honest about this whole experience. I have friends who are mothers so having the phone hung up on me abruptly because of a child is nothing new. I just never did it before. Now I get what it's like being on the other side. I finally get how you can be bone tired but still find the energy to keep pushing just a little farther.

Right now, I'm dead tired. I'm breastfeeding CMC. I'm glad that I am able to do this since I wasn't sure if I would be able to or not. My breast didn't really grow much during the pregnancy. Now I'm learning of the baggage that goes along w/ breastfeeding. They get so hot and heavy when they are full of milk. CMC didn't eat much so I had to pump a lot of it out today. That's a good sign for only 6 days after birth (I hope). I'm just glad the milk is free and better than any formula I could feed my son. Money is going to be very tight since in this country they don't believe in paid maternity leave.

Anyway, I'm just doing laundry today. Catching up on all the things that needs doing so we can move back to our apartment. I'm glad I can stay with my parents but I really do want to be home, in my own little apartment. I want to be able to put CMC in his nursery which his father so lovingly assembled for him. But that's for another day and time. I'm feeling rather erratic, maybe it is the hormones catching up to me.

But today feels like the first day that I was actually a mother. I gave birth on Sunday but my son didn't come home until Tuesday. In the meantime I had to learn how to feed him. Then I spent two days being cooped up in my old bedroom in my parents' house with an infant. Today feels more productive. I went out, I ran errands, just basically functioned as a normal parent. But what really pleased me is that I'm watching CMC and learning his little cries or signs. It really is quite fascinating how we can communicate even when all that's available are cries.

Did I mention that so far CMC seems like a fairly easy going baby? He is a demanding feeder like his father and eats when he's hungry. So I don't have a lot of concern in that area. But it took me a while to figure out how to understand his demand for a change because he's got a poopy diaper. That did take me awhile. I love it when I feed him. After I burp him (which took me two days to work out!!) he turn his little head w/ his mouth wide open like he's a little bird. It's really quite comical.

This is a whole new universe to me. I'm not sure where I fit or how comfortably I fit into it. It's very strange being needed by someone the way CMC needs me. Everyone says that boys are more attached to their mothers, but CMC has always been more his father's son, even in the womb. But those moments when I'm feeding him and he looks at me with his (oddly enough) gray eyes, it's strange being that necessary to another human being.

I think right now, I'd still rather prefer to be me, not just CMC's mum. But I have a feeling that over the years, my identity in his world will be completely replaced by my role. It's strange to think of myself as someone's mother. But I'm looking forward to this journey. Before you grow weary of my ramblings, I'll end here. More pictures will follow, I promise.

The Longest Days of Our Lives

Suffice it to say that yesterday was a good day. After what seemed like hours of just waiting around, wasting time, waiting some more, we finally got to take our son home. Christopher Madison Coote is finally home. You've probably guessed by now that I really do love my son's name. It has such a nice ring to it, not to mention that it's a name that his little big feet can grow into. CMC spent a total of two days in NICU. I knew the doctors couldn't keep him. He progressed as I expected. You can call it what you like but I know my God and I know my son. I carried him inside me for nine months. God taught me some very valuable lessons in faith during those months.

Even when I look back now on those moments when they pulled him out of me and put him covered in the "birth muck" on me...he was this purple color and wasn't breathing. I kept thinking, he looks so gross, can they clean him up and fix that long head of his. You could see the midwife going into emergency mode and everyone quickly moving around taking care of him. I took one look at his father who had that look on his face where his usual composure cracked and he started crying. My heart cried for my husband but not my son. They were giving him oxygen and rubbing him. I heard them vaguely say he's turning pink. My mother had begun to get hysterical at this point. And I kept thinking, he's my son. He'll be fine. Oddly enough that certainty never left me until I brought him last night. Then started the whole new parent phobia of how will I sleep, what if something goes wrong when I'm not awake to watch him.

We took these pictures in NICU on Monday. I left, fully expecting to take my son home. I said as much to the nurses and the doctors. NICU does a great service, and they took great care of my son while he was there. But I always knew he didn't need to be in there. It was a milestone in his life, a short one. Thanks to his sojourn in NICU, he can say he was born in Brooklyn and lived there the first few days of his life! Right now, by the grace of God, he's lying in his co-sleeper, next to me as I type this, in his mother's old room at his grandparents' house. On that note, I'm going to take a nap because my greedy little boy has drank me dry!

Introducing....Christopher Madison Coote

Well, you all have been wondering about him well here he is! Let me present to you our son, Christopher Madison Coote, making his debut! Ok, technically he's 36 hours old. He was born on June 7, 2009 @ 2:25 am weighing 6 lbs and 7oz. His length they tell me is 45 cm (you do the conversion). He wasn't breathing when he was born so they had to rush him to NICU over @ Maimomides. These pictures were taken today, Monday June 8, 2009. He breastfed twice (right away which was good) and spent the whole day out of his little NICU hutch breathing just good old room oxygen. This is good since his erratic breathing is what landed him in NICU in the first place. We're going to take advantage of the one day we have left to get a decent night's sleep before he interrupts our lives. As for the events leading up to the birth, I'll leave his father to blog that since I was rather delirious with pain. Yes, I did do natural birth without getting an epidural. I'm sore as hell and hurting. I've been stitched up from a 2nd degree tear but I didn't get the episiotmy. Other than that, I'm recovering. He's quite a little fella and even at only a day old, I'm happy to report has quite a personality.

Guess the baby....

Can you guess who the baby is?

Good day vs. yucky day

It's pointless to point out that I'm being pessimistic about this pregnancy but frankly I don't care to get optimistic at this point. I have spent the last three days with feet that has swollen up on me on and off throughout the day. It's really annoying since the day outside is so gorgeous and here I am, with both my air conditioners on full blast trying to stay cool so my feet doesn't get worse. Unfortunately I didn't have much luck with my plan so my feet has blown up again! I think the discomfort is minor compared to how disgusting it looks.

I really don't understand why women go around calling pregnancy a beautiful experience because so far I've discovered it is a very disgusting experience. Your belly swells up and eventually gets so big that when the baby moves it looks like an alien life form. The swollen belly makes taking care of basic hygiene a strenuous exercise. Of course there's the evil nature of food that you discover with pregnancy since you can't digest it properly and along comes the gas, the bloating, and not to mention painful indigestion and heartburns. Apparently there is the danger of become constipated, developing gestational diabetes, and a whole slew of other health conditions that comes with the territory.

I miss my body. I miss being able to eat what I want, exercise w/o any concern to hurting myself. Shoot, I miss being able to haul shopping from the car to my apartment no matter how heavy it was. Something as simple as unscrewing the top off a bottle of Gatorade would be nice. Or even being able to tie my shoes. I'm not feeling too pleased with this day or my body's own limitations.

On the flip side, I am thankful that my body withstood this pregnancy as well as it has. I'm looking forward to seeing my son. His room is ready. He's got all his furniture, clothes and everything else. I'm just waiting for my son to make his entrace into this world. Guess I have no choice but to wait now. I think he has started to downward decent but I won't know for certain until I have my next check up on Wednesday. It's getting closer. Christopher is a very lucky little boy. Imagine all the people who are waiting to meet him. Maybe that's the true miracle in the pregnancy, the fact that out of all that disgusting, inconvenient "things" you have to go through, you end up with a life, a human life, one that is brand new, just waiting to live. A warm, cute bundle of hope and dreams and endless possibilities.

Imagain, that was all of us when we were born....which brings up the questions...whatever happened to all those endless possibilities?

Five weeks and counting....

I'm not too happy to say that I've managed to gain 5 lbs since my last visit. These days I wake up with the feeling that my son is getting bigger every day! Far as I'm concerned, his lease is up in five weeks so he better be packing his bags and coming out soon! Well not too soon, just soon enough!

Today I woke up despite a busy weekend and made it all the way to the ferry only to have to turn back around and come back home. Why? Because my feet have swollen to the size of a potato! I look at my feet and lament the fact that the beautiful lines and contours of my once lovely petite feet have been replaced by swollen toes and deformed clubs that are supposed to resemble ankles and shins! Ok, so my description is perhaps a bit too excessive but that doesn't change the fact that it's getting more and more uncomfortable every day.

He's been very quiet today. I'm thankful for the brief reprieve. But then again, the fact that he's always moving is a blessing. Now I'm just impatiently waiting for my son to make his entrance into this world.

His father finally managed to get all the problem with the furniture sorted out and now, Christopher Madison has a room. It's very strange going into his room and seeing it. It's almost as if we have prepared this room for another person but don't know when he'll get here. His dresser is ready. His chest has all his feeding, bedding, bathing, cleaning essentials. The dresser has all his clothes all neatly organized. There are pictures on the wall of his parents and grandparents. The glider ottaman sits in one corner by the window that over looks the roof of the house next door. It could be a bad view if not for the trees that create a lovely shade over the neighbor's roof, not to mention irritate my allergies with the pollen. Next to the window on the opposite side, sits his crib. We're waiting to put up the wall decors so the pictures will have to wait until then.

I was just thinking how much this later stage of pregnancy resembles the play "Waiting for Godot" except I hope that I'm not pointlessly waiting. I know he's coming. I know he's inside of me, alive, living, another human being but sometimes I still find it difficult to believe he's real. I've been told by friends who are parents that life will change, but I can't help but wonder how this change will come about. How will I deal with the demand of a young infant? I'm not good with children. Truthfully, they don't like me and I don't like them...so I wonder if that would carry over to my own son. Would he respond to me differently? Does it matter that he's been with me so long? Will he really know the sound of my voice? I can only wonder at what it will be like when we finally meet in the light day....what will he look like? Who will he become? So many questions....hopefully time stretches out before us long enough to find out all the answers.

Six week countdown begins....

I can't believe that my due date is only six weeks away. I've finally entered the 34th week. It seems only yesterday when I was less than 10 weeks into this pregnancy. Now the belly is bulging and I can barely move! My joints ache and I don't think Christopher should be moving as much as he does! Granted, all the movement is a good thing butt seriously, how much does the boy think I can stretch? Even now, he's busy trying to turn over.

We had our baby shower this weekend. Learned a lesson there. One should never interfere in the planning of their own baby shower. The stress is just too much. I wanted to go see Star Trek but it didn't quite workout that way. Christopher, suffice it to say has gotten plenty of presents. He'll be a very clean well dressed baby. Good for him! I just want him to stop trying to punch his way through my skin!!!

I have finally found the part of this pregnancy that I really hate. This is uncomfortable and painful. Well, maybe because I'm so tired that I'm ready to pass out. Finally done with the birthing class. It was really quite nice and we met two other lovely prospective parents. But at least my late nights are done for now. On that note, I'm going to bed before I really pass out in front of this computer. I'll have to wait until later to post my summery of the class.

If you have never attended a birthing class, I highly recommend doing so. You can never educate yourself enough. When it comes to something as important as the birth of your child, you can't afford to approach it in ignorance. Well, I'm off to bed, I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to even finish this blog post.

Christopher Madison's Baby Shower

In case you missed it, a small collage from Christopher Madison's baby shower! For those of you who made it out, thank you for sharing your time with us. Your presence made it memorable. I'm only saying that since all the presents were really for Christopher and not really for us!!

10 More Weeks to Go!!!!

It's been ages since I've posted. I know, I know, very remiss of me to not bother to keep updating this. It's not really easy to post every day since not much really happens. This is where we are so far....

We have started attending a birthing class for the Bradley Method. If you are pregnant and haven't taken a birthing class I really recommend doing so. I really like the class we're doing. It's very practical and informative. I was speaking with a co-worker the other day and we were talking about some of the things we were learning; the look on his face as he absorbed the information that I was repeating to him was really quite startling. It's true that pregnancy is different each time for each person but it can be so much scarier if you go into it not knowing what to expect, what's happening to your body, or what your rights are as a patient. I'll try to expand on each birthing class from here on out.

We also had out most recent check up at 30 weeks and 2 days and I'm happy to report that Christopher Madison is approximately 31 cm and I've gained more weight than I care to! Ok, realistically I only gained 4 lbs in over 4 weeks which was actually good. These days I feel him moving all the time and he does not stop! It's really cool but sometimes, it's really quite annoying and painful too! The other day I actually felt either a foot or a fist poke right through my skin into the palm of my hand. Which brings me to my cat, Cooper.

TeaMan and I both have a cat each. His is Rina and mine is Hero. Cooper was the spare kitten when we got him. Now it seems he's destined to become Christopher Madison's cat. Cooper likes to run up and sit on our lap for a cuddle whenever we are sitting on the sofa. So the other day, Cooper comes up for a cuddle while I was lying prone on the sofa trying to get comfortable. Eating is a real uncomfortable process these days. Cooper settles down on my stomach and starts purring loudly as usual. (Normally when he purrs you can hear him in the next room.) Lo and behold Christopher Madison moved with the sound of the purring. We experimented a few times to make sure it wasn't a fluke. Sure enough, today, as high as Christopher was wedged against my ribs and stomach, Cooper's purring brought him down lower in my belly.

I'm going to end now since my son has decided he's got to use me as a punching bag. He's moving quite violently now and it's getting far too uncomfortable to sit and type. So until next time...I promise!

The Alien: Part Deux

This one I think show his spine and ribs but with the blue tint I can't tell so I'm relying on what I remember seeing on the screen. As you can tell, I can't be bothered to work out the kinks of my nice state of the art scanner....so it's the best I could do.

The Alien

I'm not sure why the phone turned him blue but he does look a bit alien with the blue tint.

Progressing onwards.....

It's been a long while since I posted, how remiss of me. What can I say, I haven't really had much to say.

So let's see where are we. Oh yes, we're now at 24 weeks and 6 calendar months. Can't believe how fast time is flying. On a vain note, I must say, my son has been good to me. My hair has never looked more fantastic. I had good skin and teeth to begin with but they look even better these days. (Although I can't say the same for my hand-eye coordination since I just spilled milk on my laptop in the process of taking a sip!!!) Haven't had to buy any clothes either! Yea!!! I'm poor these days what with TeaMan still out of work so that's a big plus for me. I just wore my little Snoopy t-shirt (since it was a such a gorgeous day after a really lousy cold spell) and I must say, I did look good. Can't help it! After the nightmare images of thinking how pregnancy would blow me out of proportion, I'll take those good days when I do love the way I'm looking. I'm not vain at all so I don't know what your mind is insinuating!! ;)

A few weeks ago I felt as well as SAW Christopher move. It was very weird. I was sitting on my sofa (pretty much like right now) and watching TV. I had finished dinner. I looked down at my stomach (which was very visual through the Wolverine t-shirt I was wearing) and literally saw it move. TeaMan wasn't in the room so I called him to come see but by then my stomach wasn't moving. He left the room again and sure enough Christopher moved, but this time, I felt him move from one side of my stomach to the other and saw my stomach shake. Think the alien ripping out of the stomach of Ripley's crew in Aliens but not quite as ugly!! It was a very surreal experience.

I was writing the other day and I was just thinking about my son. I'm going to have a son. How cool is that? I'm getting used to the idea that I'm going to be a mother for the rest of my life. Today we took off for the NJ Botanical Garden up in Ringwood NJ. Gorgeous day and I couldn't help but think would we be able to do this sort of thing with Christopher. It was a nice thought and I must admit for a moment I really did wish it was a year from today so he would be here with us. I really like the fact that I take him everywhere with me. He's always with me.

He's had a growth spurt the last few weeks. Obviously I look pregnant these days, more than I did a few weeks ago. It's getting harder to hide it. I'm getting used to him moving. Sometimes when he doesn't move (relieved as I am for those moments) I find that I miss feeling his presence. I still don't like the physical restrictions on my body, the lack of control that pregnancy brings. But when I think of my son.....ha! It's still not worth it. If I could have him ready made, delivered to me, I'd do it. I'd be lucky if I can get my body back to what it used to be. But it's like everything else, you take the good with the bad.

On that note, I'm going to go finish my peaches. I seem to have developed a strange fondness for peaches.

Little willy wonka

Today was our first anatomy scan @ 19 weeks. The baby is looking normal at 9 oz (forgot how many inches) though the feet is 1 and a half inches now. The heart looked good. Everything looked normal. Except towards the end, the baby had enough and decided to show it's displeasure at being sonogrammed by punching me. I saw it on the scan! It wasn't trying to cover it's face or waving it's arm but punching me. I felt it ok and then saw it with my own eyes. Opinionated little thing and it hasn't even been born yet.

Now that you know the baby is doing well....here's the thing you've been dying to ask...yes it was right there. I thought I can't be seeing what I'm seeing but there it was, waving it's little willy wonka for the world to see. I started to cry because I was shocked. How else do you react when God gives you exactly what you've always wanted? I just couldn't believe it. Which is why of most of the pictures the woman gave us had his private parts labeled all over them.

Then came the realization the we don't have a name or that I was really preparing myself for a girl so as not to be disappointed or impose my want on the baby that now I don't know what I'm going to do with a boy! I was getting excited about a girl. Now I have to rethink everything. I tried that word out, "my son", it's my son in there. I'm going to have a boy. That is just wild!

I'm excited. I can't wait to see my parents. I really wish my in-laws were here too. I miss them very much. Am I the only person who really really likes and loves their in-laws? It would be nice to just call and talk to my sisters-in-law. I was sitting here writing a list for the baby shower and realized that nearly half the ppl I would like to invite are on the other side of the ocean. That just made me sad.

I never really had grandparents. My son will have two sets. I had my maternal grandmother. My paternal one wasn't really around much and she was more excited about my brother than me anyway. Maybe because she already had too many granddaughters. But when I think about it, I can't help but thank God for how much he has blessed me. My son is coming along well despite the fact that I'm not eating much (he won't let me) or haven't really put on much weight (not that I'm complaining). My baby is healthy and I can't wait to meet him.

We're working on getting the pictures scanned so we can post them on here. Until then....we're off.

A few nights ago Shazriel woke up at 2am. Our apartment gets very warm and she was hot (what am I saying? She's ALWAYS smoking hot! but that's another story!) so anyway, after opening a few windows and discarding covers etc. she was cool enough to sleep (I on the other hand am ALWAYS cooooool!) but by that time Peanut was well and truly awake and was intent on using Shazriel's insides as a ninja training gymnasium.

So we tried an experiment, I gently stroked the area and spoke softly to it. It worked! After a minute or so Peanut calmed down and my wife was able to sleep. That was cool!

It's kind of strange chatting to a belly. Particularly one which smells of hot chocolate thanks to the cocoa butter lotion. I can never think of anything to say. We tried reading Psalms to it, I think we'll be doing that more often.

Could it really be?

I couldn't believe it! I felt energized, human, somewhat normal! I actually felt like running and skipping and doing all sorts of cheerful stuff! I enjoyed socializing with people for a change instead of hiding behind my computer at work. I guess it is true and I have finally entered that long anticipated blissful period of the 2nd trimester. Yet I still find it hard to believe.

I finally went out to dinner with my friend. God I missed hanging out with her. Unfortunately the one thing we always enjoyed, eating out, has become rather difficult since I can't enjoy food anymore. I'm still suffering from the whole eating issue. Can't stand the sight, smell, taste, or idea of food but I'm hungry all the time. Despite the food issue and it was simply nice to be able to enjoy a night out with a friend.

With a few exceptions. My feet were swollen, I was too thirsty, and it was way too early in the evening to feel so tired. Will I ever be normal again? And I have more of this to look forward to? I'll be honest, I would like my body to return to normal where I'm in control of it. But for now, I have no choice but to deal with it one day at a time. Maybe it's my impatience to just get it over and done with but I can't wait for this baby to be born already.

Well, I'm off to bed, it's only Monday night. I still have four more days until the week ends.

Peanut's first road trip....

Well, other than being cold, Saturday was a particularly gorgeous day. So we planned a surprise road trip with two friends. Ok, so I had been thinking about Louis' Lunch and their burgers out in New Haven, Connecticut. But when we got there, we found out Celtica had stopped serving High Tea and Louis' Lunch was closed. So ended up settling for a short stack of pancakes, Irish bacon and sausages. So it was Peanut's first official road trip.

Peanut is behaving itself. Occationally it gives me indigestion like symptoms when it gets the urge to exercise. It's all still very new and a little unsettling at times. Food is still unappatizing. Six months seems such a long time and the idea of this thing growing bigger is really unpleasant at times. It feels like my body is producing all this excess hormones so I'll stay in a state of hormone induced bliss when my mind in screaming for this thing to get out already. Couldn't I just have the baby w/o all the other stuff? I haven't changed my mind, pregnancy still grosses me out.