My First Day as CMC's Mum

Well, I did say that I would be honest about this whole experience. I have friends who are mothers so having the phone hung up on me abruptly because of a child is nothing new. I just never did it before. Now I get what it's like being on the other side. I finally get how you can be bone tired but still find the energy to keep pushing just a little farther.

Right now, I'm dead tired. I'm breastfeeding CMC. I'm glad that I am able to do this since I wasn't sure if I would be able to or not. My breast didn't really grow much during the pregnancy. Now I'm learning of the baggage that goes along w/ breastfeeding. They get so hot and heavy when they are full of milk. CMC didn't eat much so I had to pump a lot of it out today. That's a good sign for only 6 days after birth (I hope). I'm just glad the milk is free and better than any formula I could feed my son. Money is going to be very tight since in this country they don't believe in paid maternity leave.

Anyway, I'm just doing laundry today. Catching up on all the things that needs doing so we can move back to our apartment. I'm glad I can stay with my parents but I really do want to be home, in my own little apartment. I want to be able to put CMC in his nursery which his father so lovingly assembled for him. But that's for another day and time. I'm feeling rather erratic, maybe it is the hormones catching up to me.

But today feels like the first day that I was actually a mother. I gave birth on Sunday but my son didn't come home until Tuesday. In the meantime I had to learn how to feed him. Then I spent two days being cooped up in my old bedroom in my parents' house with an infant. Today feels more productive. I went out, I ran errands, just basically functioned as a normal parent. But what really pleased me is that I'm watching CMC and learning his little cries or signs. It really is quite fascinating how we can communicate even when all that's available are cries.

Did I mention that so far CMC seems like a fairly easy going baby? He is a demanding feeder like his father and eats when he's hungry. So I don't have a lot of concern in that area. But it took me a while to figure out how to understand his demand for a change because he's got a poopy diaper. That did take me awhile. I love it when I feed him. After I burp him (which took me two days to work out!!) he turn his little head w/ his mouth wide open like he's a little bird. It's really quite comical.

This is a whole new universe to me. I'm not sure where I fit or how comfortably I fit into it. It's very strange being needed by someone the way CMC needs me. Everyone says that boys are more attached to their mothers, but CMC has always been more his father's son, even in the womb. But those moments when I'm feeding him and he looks at me with his (oddly enough) gray eyes, it's strange being that necessary to another human being.

I think right now, I'd still rather prefer to be me, not just CMC's mum. But I have a feeling that over the years, my identity in his world will be completely replaced by my role. It's strange to think of myself as someone's mother. But I'm looking forward to this journey. Before you grow weary of my ramblings, I'll end here. More pictures will follow, I promise.