The nursing mularky

It's amazing how pregnancy presents all these changes not only to your body but your life as well. Let's not forget that after it's over, you're presented with a really cute little human who comes with a whole lot of hidden ammunition to make you lose your mind! If you've never babysat or played with children (like me) or don't really like them much (again like me) suddenly you find yourself lost in this strange land where you smell like sweet sticky white liquid that spurts out of your otherwise useless boobs. And here you always thought they were ornamental things that are generally meant to attract men. Sure, in some part of your brain you knew they are meant to nurse a child or two, but that was never the one thing you really thought about much.

The pregnancy may have enhanced your meagre endowments or super sized your endowments. In my case, I was afraid I'd grow too large but thankfully I have my mother's DNA so I didn't really change size at all. Though now I've discovered that I have gone from a 36C to a 38D. This I find frightening. I think I liked being the size I was. Someone, I think the lactation consultant that I spoke with after giving birth (who also happened to be one of my birthing assistants) said that I could expect them to feel like hot, swollen melons. That is the most unpleasant feeling to wake up to specially when you're sleep deprived and your nipples hurt at the same time because the baby is crying.

But see that's where the whole random creation vs intelligent design again comes into play. You're sleep deprived, slowly getting cranky because you don't want to wake up and feed this howling infant. But you have no choice because your nipples hurt like hell and your breasts feel as if they are about to explode. Then you take the howling infant in your arms and watching him root and cry at the same time. He sees those huge things in range (when he does learn to focus and take in his surroundings) and then he spends a few seconds looking like an cross between a bird and a pterodactyl about to ravage you. If you're me, you start laughing despite being irritated, sleep deprived, and in pain. Then he starts to eat and you just don't care about all the complications.

Then he discovers the whole spitting up thing and most of that yucky sticky liquid ends up on his face, your clothes, skin, and everywhere else. It wasn't enough that he pooped and peed on you but now he must initiate you into this world of mothers where you smell like him, baby and breast milk. I'm still of the opinion that stuff is gross even if I'm the one who's making it. But it's better than formula and free. So go me! Now that my son is a month old, I've discovered that I really need to get some nursing clothes. So much for avoiding having to buy any clothes for this pregnancy. I nearly got away without having to buy a thing.

In conclusion, babies are expensive but they are too cute to return to the sender...not to mention that doing so is considered homicide by society. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself fortunate that I am able to breastfeed my son but I never said I had to like all the complications that come with it. Speaking of which, this daisy needs to go milk herself before I explode!