Parenting on the go....

So yesterday we had to go to BabysRus and get some groceries among other things. By the time CMC was fed, changed, and packed up to go it was nearly noon. The plan was to stop by BabysRus and pick up a nasal aspirator then drive to Stop n Shop and pick up some cereal. We were going to go to the mall, run some errands in Macy's and then have lunch before heading off to Shoprite for groceries. That was the plan.

By the time we got to Macy's that plan changed. Right among the luggage section, there was a loud ripping noise and a foul smell that said the baby was doing his business and would need to be changed. So off we went to look for a restroom. Not my idea since I don't like public restrooms and avoid using them whenever I can. Then he started to fuss and his eyes started to open.

Mind you, the reason we went to BabysRus in the first place was because CMC has a bit of a cold. So he was a just a little cranky. Sleeping baby in public is easy to deal with. People ooh and ahh over them and you just smile and wave and go your merry way. Then I had a brilliant idea to slip into the fitting room and give him a quick change. I happen to be in the section where the extra large women's clothings were and thought, I could grab an item and pretend to go try it on. Then I looked at me and the clothes and thought, why bother....who would be convinced looking at me that I'm trying on the clothes.

So I just high tailed it to the fitting room. By then, my poor son had started crying a little hysterically. Mind you, my son doesn't really cry or fuss much unless he wants changing or feeding, mostly when he just wants food. So I had to do a quick change and then breastfeed. I fed him until he was sufficiently satisfied and then we left the fitting room. Since he didn't want to be put back into his car seat, I had to work out how to maneuver a stroller while holding a baby, not easy when you're new at this sort of thing.

So lunch idea got tossed because I just didn't feel comfortable carrying him through the mall. We did a quick stop in the Wendy's drive thru and then off to Shoprite to finish our errands.

We had decided from the very beginning that we weren't going to be the kinds of parents whose lives end the moment their children are born. We are on the go kind of people and being housebound 24/7 would be hard on both of us. So yesterday was my first experience of on the go parenting. I also learned that when you have a cute baby to feed, you can get away with anything.

Well my son is fussing, think he wants food or changing. Then we're off to the park for a stroll...

Daddy's Story (Part 3 - Labour)

The main issue as we went forward was that she was very tired. So they gave here a mild sedative that would help her sleep for a couple of hours. The contractions still woke her up but as soon as they were done she slept. Throughout this time I was again largely sidelined. When the contractions came she wanted her aunt's back rubs. Anything I did was 'irritating'. It was a pretty lonely couple of hours. Watching her aunt and my MIL do the job that was supposed to be mine.

"Update? Nothing to report. They're going 2 check her progress @ 8pm" 6:16 PM Jun 6th from txt

At this point i really should mention out birthing team. Andrea was our midwife, a blessing since she was the one we've seen most throughout the pregnancy. Sharon was comfortable with her and she really understood Sharon. She was assisted by Lexie, an RN and a birthing assisstant. Lexie was a real Godsend. She truly understood Sharon and was the one person who was able to get her to focus through her contractions. She really was amazing. Then there was Paula, trainee birthing assistant who was a huge help too. What I'm trying to say is that the team at the Brooklyn Birthing center were really wonderful throughout. It was Paula who, when my wife was being particularly harsh to me reassured me that it was normal, she'd been the same way with her husband when she was in labour and that it wouldn't last.

So we had decided to check progress at 8pm. Because of the risk of infection they couldn't do too many internal exams so there was a degree of eagerness as we waited to see how we were doing

"Update; STILL ONLY 5cm! 4 1/2 hours and nothing to show for it. talk about demoralising." 7:49 PM Jun 6th from txt

That was a kick in the gut. after 4 1/2 hours we'd made no progress. I really think that news undid any benefit we may have gained from the sleep. From this point on she was pretty much convinced that it was all for nothing and she couldn't do it. The decision was made that if, in 3 hours there was still no more progress we'd transfer to Maimonides hospital. With her water broken and the risk of infection time was an issue. SO for the next 3 hours she'd be walking and moving around as much as possible in the hope we'd make progress. This was where Lexie was really awesome, without her I don't think we'd have made it. She was able to work well with Sharon to help her work throught the contractions. but we were working against exhaustion and the fact that she was convinced she was making no progress. it was a tough couple of hours

"Tired and frustrated. She s in pain, exhausted, drained n miserable. And i can t do anything to help." 9:19 PM Jun 6th from txt

At least, by this point she was allowing me to help her through this but she was so tired at this point she was pretty much at the end of her strength. We reached the point around this time when it looked like we were done trying to do this naturally at the birthing center. She had lain down for a couple of minutes and now refused to get up and try any more. We tried to persuade her to go 1 more hour and we'd do a progress check but she wasn't hearing any of it. Andrea actually reached the ppint of decision. "that's it, we're done here" funnily enough it was NYCs potholes that decided the issue, when Sharon asked if we'd call an ambulance and was told that we'd have to drive since it wasn't an emergency she suddenly found new resolve. She'd found the car so horribly uncomfortable she didn't want to face it again (either that or she thought my driving was REALLY bad!). so she agreed to try for 1 more hour.

So it was that at 10:15pm Andrea did an exam and...

"Progress!! 8-9cm dilated!" 10:16 PM Jun 6th from txt

Well that was great news! The mood changed here, and if she hadn't been so very exhausted by now I think we'd have been in very good shape for the next phase.

the last cm was stubborn, Sharon was tired and really wanted to push

"Almost completely dilated. Not long now" 10:46 PM Jun 6th from txt

There was some light hearted banter around this time as to whether he'd be a Saturday or Sunday baby.

to be continued...

the 1st 2 weeks

Daddy's Story (part 2 - early labour)

...The beginning. (interspersed with real time updates courtesy of twitter)

the week leading up to Saturday June 6th was a little stressful, Sharon's blood pressure had risen, the midwife was concerned about the possibility of pre-eclampsia and we faced the possibility that she'd have to stop work much earlier than we'd hoped cutting into the paid time off she'd have available after the baby was born. an ultrasound was scheduled, other tests were prepared and sleep was lost.

"NOT going to deal with labor nd the birth of my son without a cup of tea first!" 4:20 AM Jun 6th from txt

So early Saturday morning when her water broke we were not ready. she was exhausted before labour even began, we weren't fully packed and the apartment wasn't fully ready yet. But CMC wasn't waiting! All other concerns disappeared, the baby was coming! Because of a positive test for GBS (Group B Strep) AND with her water breaking we had to go straight in to the birthing center for a dose of antibiotics. So after she took a shower, a little bit of worry because she hadn't felt the baby move for a bit (he was just sleeping) I threw her bag together and we piled in to the car. Before we set off I laid my hand on her belly and prayed. CMC has always responded to prayer and never more so that that moment, he almost kicked his way out right there and then!

The ride to Brooklyn was uncomfortable for her. unable to move around or get comfotable combined with NY's pot holes proved to be pretty miserable for a woman in labour but we arrived in one piece, Andrea, our midwife, checked her out, 1cm dilated but almost fully effaced. a good start, there was a little concern that the contractions seemed more painful than we'd expect at this stage of labour, so we worked to hydrate with gatorade, which she threw up. The antibiotic was to be administered through an IV, Andrea put in the first dose, showing me how to do it since the 2nd dose was likely to be when we were home. Turns out, she didn't react well to the penicillin so she swiched to a different antibiotic which didn't need to be administered as often so I was never called upon to use my new found medical skills!

After all the checks etc. we were sent home with instructions to call again when contractions were 3 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute for an hour. also, to monitor the risk of infection we were supposed to take her temp every couple of hous. so we figured, rather than home, we'd go to her aunt's. Her aunt used to be a nurse and had worked in L&D and she turned out to be very good at contraction easing backrubs.

I'm not going to go into detail of the next few hours. My wife was in pain, she was tired and hungry and struggled to keep any food down, it was somewhere in this time that she started to snap at me sporadically.

a few twitter updates from that time:

"So much for being involved in the birth of my child. Apparently my wife wants nothing to do with me right now." 9:47 AM Jun 6th from txt

"Progressing slowly and painfully."11:42 AM Jun 6th from txt

"Update: she's tired. Was able 2 keep sum food down. progressing s l o w l y." 12:48 PM Jun 6th from txt

We tired a bath which didn't help, ultimately I think she was in a negative frame of mind.
But eventually at around 2pm Andrea said for us to come in. We were supposed to meet her at the Birthing Center at 2:30 but we got stuck in traffic, did I mention that driving was hell on her? At this point she was dreading that when we got there she wouldn't be far enough along to be admitted. We arrive at about 3:15 and after an exam it turns out our fears were unfounded. 5cms dilated! Progress! So we were admitted to the Brooklyn Birthing Center with, for me at least, a growing sense of excitement, despite feeling a little superfluous since she continued to want nothing to do with me there was tangible evidence that our son was on his way!


"We re now @ the birthing center. 5cm dilated. CMC is on his way. I never loved her more. I feel excited but useless, nd kind of alone." 3:24 PM Jun 6th from txt

to be continued...

Daddy's Story (Part 1 - the beginning)

It's been over a week now since CMC was born and I'm only now finding the time to sit down and share my journey. I wanted to share the story of our labour and CMC's beginning from my POV. I don't for a second claim that the experience of a father is anything like what a mother goes through in labour but I do feel that too often that the role and and experience of fathers is somewhat marginalised. To be forced to watch, largely helpless while the woman you love is in pain is hard. I can say without hesitation, and I suspect I'm not the only man who feels this way that if there was any way I could have taken on some of that pain I would have done so in a heartbeat but that's just not the way it's designed, it' a pain that women have to go through and the men are left to try and find anything they can to support and help. It's a helpless and humbling process particularly when the mother pushes you away for much of the labour, but more on that later... Let's start at the beginning...

My First Day as CMC's Mum

Well, I did say that I would be honest about this whole experience. I have friends who are mothers so having the phone hung up on me abruptly because of a child is nothing new. I just never did it before. Now I get what it's like being on the other side. I finally get how you can be bone tired but still find the energy to keep pushing just a little farther.

Right now, I'm dead tired. I'm breastfeeding CMC. I'm glad that I am able to do this since I wasn't sure if I would be able to or not. My breast didn't really grow much during the pregnancy. Now I'm learning of the baggage that goes along w/ breastfeeding. They get so hot and heavy when they are full of milk. CMC didn't eat much so I had to pump a lot of it out today. That's a good sign for only 6 days after birth (I hope). I'm just glad the milk is free and better than any formula I could feed my son. Money is going to be very tight since in this country they don't believe in paid maternity leave.

Anyway, I'm just doing laundry today. Catching up on all the things that needs doing so we can move back to our apartment. I'm glad I can stay with my parents but I really do want to be home, in my own little apartment. I want to be able to put CMC in his nursery which his father so lovingly assembled for him. But that's for another day and time. I'm feeling rather erratic, maybe it is the hormones catching up to me.

But today feels like the first day that I was actually a mother. I gave birth on Sunday but my son didn't come home until Tuesday. In the meantime I had to learn how to feed him. Then I spent two days being cooped up in my old bedroom in my parents' house with an infant. Today feels more productive. I went out, I ran errands, just basically functioned as a normal parent. But what really pleased me is that I'm watching CMC and learning his little cries or signs. It really is quite fascinating how we can communicate even when all that's available are cries.

Did I mention that so far CMC seems like a fairly easy going baby? He is a demanding feeder like his father and eats when he's hungry. So I don't have a lot of concern in that area. But it took me a while to figure out how to understand his demand for a change because he's got a poopy diaper. That did take me awhile. I love it when I feed him. After I burp him (which took me two days to work out!!) he turn his little head w/ his mouth wide open like he's a little bird. It's really quite comical.

This is a whole new universe to me. I'm not sure where I fit or how comfortably I fit into it. It's very strange being needed by someone the way CMC needs me. Everyone says that boys are more attached to their mothers, but CMC has always been more his father's son, even in the womb. But those moments when I'm feeding him and he looks at me with his (oddly enough) gray eyes, it's strange being that necessary to another human being.

I think right now, I'd still rather prefer to be me, not just CMC's mum. But I have a feeling that over the years, my identity in his world will be completely replaced by my role. It's strange to think of myself as someone's mother. But I'm looking forward to this journey. Before you grow weary of my ramblings, I'll end here. More pictures will follow, I promise.

The Longest Days of Our Lives

Suffice it to say that yesterday was a good day. After what seemed like hours of just waiting around, wasting time, waiting some more, we finally got to take our son home. Christopher Madison Coote is finally home. You've probably guessed by now that I really do love my son's name. It has such a nice ring to it, not to mention that it's a name that his little big feet can grow into. CMC spent a total of two days in NICU. I knew the doctors couldn't keep him. He progressed as I expected. You can call it what you like but I know my God and I know my son. I carried him inside me for nine months. God taught me some very valuable lessons in faith during those months.

Even when I look back now on those moments when they pulled him out of me and put him covered in the "birth muck" on me...he was this purple color and wasn't breathing. I kept thinking, he looks so gross, can they clean him up and fix that long head of his. You could see the midwife going into emergency mode and everyone quickly moving around taking care of him. I took one look at his father who had that look on his face where his usual composure cracked and he started crying. My heart cried for my husband but not my son. They were giving him oxygen and rubbing him. I heard them vaguely say he's turning pink. My mother had begun to get hysterical at this point. And I kept thinking, he's my son. He'll be fine. Oddly enough that certainty never left me until I brought him last night. Then started the whole new parent phobia of how will I sleep, what if something goes wrong when I'm not awake to watch him.

We took these pictures in NICU on Monday. I left, fully expecting to take my son home. I said as much to the nurses and the doctors. NICU does a great service, and they took great care of my son while he was there. But I always knew he didn't need to be in there. It was a milestone in his life, a short one. Thanks to his sojourn in NICU, he can say he was born in Brooklyn and lived there the first few days of his life! Right now, by the grace of God, he's lying in his co-sleeper, next to me as I type this, in his mother's old room at his grandparents' house. On that note, I'm going to take a nap because my greedy little boy has drank me dry!

Introducing....Christopher Madison Coote

Well, you all have been wondering about him well here he is! Let me present to you our son, Christopher Madison Coote, making his debut! Ok, technically he's 36 hours old. He was born on June 7, 2009 @ 2:25 am weighing 6 lbs and 7oz. His length they tell me is 45 cm (you do the conversion). He wasn't breathing when he was born so they had to rush him to NICU over @ Maimomides. These pictures were taken today, Monday June 8, 2009. He breastfed twice (right away which was good) and spent the whole day out of his little NICU hutch breathing just good old room oxygen. This is good since his erratic breathing is what landed him in NICU in the first place. We're going to take advantage of the one day we have left to get a decent night's sleep before he interrupts our lives. As for the events leading up to the birth, I'll leave his father to blog that since I was rather delirious with pain. Yes, I did do natural birth without getting an epidural. I'm sore as hell and hurting. I've been stitched up from a 2nd degree tear but I didn't get the episiotmy. Other than that, I'm recovering. He's quite a little fella and even at only a day old, I'm happy to report has quite a personality.